what is going on

it’s been so long since i’ve been here!!!!

in the near year (ok six months but i live for the dRaMa) i’ve been gone, not much has changed, so maybe that’s why.

i am however, coming up to some big life movements so i’m assuming thats why i’ve been inspired to put pen to paper, or fingertip to button because i’m not an animal. however, the more i think about what to write, the more the single phrase “what the fuck is going on” comes to mind.

i honestly don’t have a clue. i’ve found myself in the last month of my three year degree, having been in manchester for nearly three years. the city and the people i’m around, the lifestyle i have and the routine i practice feels so much like home that i’m really not coping with the thought of it all disappearing. i already feel nostalgic for my current lifestyle and it hasn’t even changed yet. the sad thing is, i am by no means living the life so maybe i should raise my standards. you’d think i was about to lose millions of pounds and leo dicaprio as my boyfriend. in reality it’s aldi shops and bad sleeping patterns.

anyway, most of the friends i surround myself with here will be packing up and setting off to their new destinations, i won’t be able to sit around for days on end just doing what i fancy because unfortunately life costs money and all of a sudden i won’t be organising my life around the school year for the first time since i can remember being conscious. the idea of not having a two month break every summer is enough to sign me up for a pgce tomorrow.

i honestly can’t remember what life was like before i knew manchester and the people i have bonded with, but it also feels like i just got here. i can remember being left at university on the first day so well and being set for the next three years and now it’s nearly over i feel like i didn’t take it in enough. which is really weird, because actually,  whilst i have been living it, i’ve really appreciated experiencing uni the way that has fitted me.

i haven’t had many wild nights, though i can safely say the few i have had have been enough to allow me peace of mind in said circumstance. i’ve eaten nice foods far too often, chilled on the sofa more than enough to earn me a place on gogglebox and i’ve grown to know the city inside out. except for the corporate side of the city which, to be honest is a shame cuz i could have found a wealthy husband and had none of these aforementioned worries to be dealing with now.

i feel like noone tells you how stressful and weird this whole part of life is. long gone are the days when people would just leave uni and move into a house that they bought for £1.42 with their soon to be husband; instead we’re all flailing about trying to answer the question “so what are your plans for when you graduate” and trying not to cry.

i’m trying to think of the point of this post but honestly i think the fact there isnt one says it all. but thats showbiz folks x x x x x

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One thought on “what is going on

  1. Such a difficult time. Endings are always tricky and coupled with uncertainty makes this one doubly hard. Got to re-frame it as new beginnings and opportunities but I know that’s easier said than done. Whatever your future holds, Manchester will always be one of your homes. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

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