“Of course I am not worried about intimidating men. The type of man who will be intimidated by me is exactly the type of man I have no interest in.” Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Ah this quote. It is everything.
It’s safe to say I’m not the subtle kind. I know it, my friends know it (my friends tell me it), and the boys I scare off know it the best. For the first time in my life I’m having a whale of a time with an interest in boys and also being single, and consequently enjoying fancying everyone I meet, and then going off them three minutes later. But unfortunately this can mean I get myself a little caught up in some interesting positions, as I tend to message every single friend, relative, neighbour (and their sister) about the new love of my life. I also have no issue introducing myself to the boy at the bus stop whom I never ceaSE catching eye contact with, announcing to the boys we’re having a drink with that they really are very good looking and I appreciate that of them, and now and again verbally announcing my strong interest for certain fellas to hit me up should they be back in town. Sometimes over text. Sometimes to a boy I met once. Who probably didn’t deserve it. Moving on.
But as I’ve been doing so, I have had multiple reactions from people telling me to calm down, chill out, and relax (all the things us gals love to hear), and all of a sudden I was uncomfortable. It suddenly became a point of worry and it stopped being fun. To me, I was just pissing about, flirting up a storm left right and centre because I’m a free woman and that’s something us modern ladies should be taking advantage of considering how hard we, and those before us, have fought.
I would never force myself on anyone, nor would I dream of making them even slightly uncomfortable. We women know all too well how great unwanted attention feels; but I’m not doing that. I’m just making it clear how I feel and in doing so surely I’m only making things easier for everyone involved. If I’m not getting any kinda vibe back believe me I will retreat. And then I was told that being ‘less keen’ is the way forward, but fuck tHAT. Who am I to have to wait around for the boy to show interest in me first? Why should I?
For the longest time I was made to believe I had to be, as Warsan Shire puts; “softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake” but I’m over it. I really feel like as girls we are expected to be the passive character, encouraged to wait for attention to fall upon us, god forbidding we ever dished any out. How embarrassing to seem keen only to then be rejected. How horrifying we should have interest in more than one boy at a time. Even more scarring should we not be in it for a possible marriage. I’m over it. So If my spirits so take me to approach life a certain way then that’s how I’ll do it. They’ll know way sooner than later who they gal is. And as the wondrous quote above explains, any man intimidated by me, is exactly the kind I have no interest in. Over and out.