So festive, right whilst we’re all on a high from Valentines celebrations.
There is no right way to handle a break up. Everyone who’s been through it has tried a different route and ultimately, (and hopefully), everyone reaches the same end point; happiness without ’em. But, that’s not to say the road there isn’t long and winding (I’ve been in Liverpool for the weekend) with many a bump and the occasional pothole. I’ve done it twice myself, and I’ve nurtured more than enough broken hearts of friends around me to know a thing or two about the process. I wish I had a 10 step guide the internet loves to throw us when we google how to get over someone, but imma have to fight the other corner ladies and gentlemen- because for me, there is no right way.
Why? I hear you cry. Well- having had two very different relationships, with very different reasons for breaking up, with very different roads taken post breakup, nothing riles me more than those who believe there is a ‘right’ way to do it. Classics include: not talking at all with mass deletion of all photos, texts and numbers; pretending that you haven’t actually broken up at all, and acting accordingly (…); thinking getting with as many people as soon as possible is the answer; and a personal fave: wallowing with food and TV for dayz crying over your life that just won’t ever be as good again. I’ve enjoyed a few of these options myself- any excuse for family packs of biscuits. But regardless, none of them are ‘right’. It’s all subjective and madness. It’s ludicrous to think that one person’s experience that worked a dream for them will be your saving grace, because you’re not them, and their relationship wasn’t yours.
All these suggestions only make the whole ordeal far more stressful. I remember people coming at me from all angles telling me what my only options were if I ever wanted to be happy again. But they only unsettled me more as I was hurting enough without being told talking to him was one hundred percent unacceptable and dumb. So I did talk to him, and whilst I still needed it it was fine, and when I didn’t, I stopped. It has to be natural. You’ll know what makes you happy in the moment and seeing as you’ll find peace eventually, any hour of escape from the heartache you’re enduring is surely worthwhile.
So my second piece of advice is find those that understand, listen and support you and your way of doing things. Those that criticise have chosen the wrong time, and they’re useless in these circumstances. I had a few friends to hand who let me work it out day by day, without judgement or comment, only advising when I asked and meeting me at the sound of a text. When you’re facing something so personal, no one understands. The world understands heartache, yes, but not yours. So don’t try and tell them they can do better, or that s/he’s not worth it, or that they should do anything. Just listen. That’s really all they need.
And lastly: patience. Breakups are so weird. Turning up to a party and seeing your old best friend/boyfriend pretending like they don’t know you very well is like bumping into your mum in town and pretending you’ve just met. It’s alien. But unfortunately while you may be totes comfortable, they may still be totes emoshe and incapable of being chill with you yet. So let em. Their issue is with themselves, not you. More than that, emotions will change madly after a breakup, for the days weeks and months to come. Where you may start out in mad denial “He did nothing wrong, he’s allowed to dump me!”, it usually won’t take long for feelings to dwindle and reality to show itself. Love is blind and nothing truer has ever been said. So accept the change in emotion wherever it flows, and this is where those understanding, accepting friend prove themselves. If your friend is in the denial stage you agree with them that he is lovely and nothing bad has, or will ever come from him, in fact he’s so amazing you wish you could have him, and when they realise he was a massive douchelord u tell em you always thought that and what an utter fuck.
So you’ll get there. Take your time, do you, work it out as you go along; you’ll get there. There’s no pressure.